


Sickeningly Sweet (Honey, It's Time for a Change)

by exomostlyhuman



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Blood, M/M, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 08:29:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10737960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exomostlyhuman/pseuds/exomostlyhuman
Summary: Jongdae and Yixing act like an old married couple, and they're halfway there with Yixing being a hundred-some year old vampire. Their favorite pastimes include watching their favorite dramas, having random discussions, and drinking Jongdae's blood, but something makes the sweet taste go sour. For Jongdae it's goodbye junk food and hello healthy!





	Sickeningly Sweet (Honey, It's Time for a Change)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Round 1 of Exo_Mostlyhuman (Prompt #48) by [muluhan](http://muluhan.livejournal.com/profile)
> 
> Authors Note: This is such a cute prompt, so thank you prompter for coming up with this! I also want to thank the mods for all the hard work they put into this unique fest! I hope I did the prompt justice, and I hope everyone can enjoy the quirkiness of this Chenxing couple!

Married couples tend to push each other’s buttons and rub their significant other the wrong way constantly, all in the name of love of course. They lounge around in sweatpants and baggy clothing, or even no clothes at all. Fighting over the television remote is also a requirement. But for some, marriage can be quite the hassle to arrange. From the ceremony to the reception to the decorations, everything can make someone lose a few years off their life. Good thing Yixing is immortal. And Jongdae hates weddings.

Yixing first met his long time boyfriend Jongdae at a wedding as a matter of fact. It’s a great story to tell, actually. Because Yixing is friends with the groom, Minseok, and Jongdae is Minseok’s cousin, both men were obliged to attend the ceremony. One could probably tell who was forcibly dragged to said occasion. 

Being the so called “bride” of the relationship to his dismay, Minseok’s husband Junmyeon had the honor of throwing the bouquet into the crowd, and it landed directly in Yixing’s palms. Everyone’s eyes followed his actions, but one person became intrigued in more than just the superficial tradition. Jongdae and his quite pervy self waltzed over to the dazed Chinese boy, taking the opportunity to introduce himself.

“Hey I’m Jongdae.”

“Yixing.”

“You’re pretty cute, and you seem like a fun guy. Why don’t we go out and get to know each other better?”

“Sure?”

“Great. I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay?”

And thus the two became the bickering couple they are today.

Fast forward three years, and the two still behave in the same fashion. Lately, Jongdae has been going through a “teenage rebellion” phase at the tender age of twenty three. Whatever Yixing tells him to do he either does the opposite or simply ignores him. But Yixing doesn’t care anyway, his boyfriend only has to peck him on the lips to shut him up. For once, the all powerful vampire can be subdued by a measly human being. Not to mention one that annoys the hell out of almost everyone he meets.

“Jongdae I’m hungry,” Yixing whined from their living room couch.

The younger male sighs rather loudly and dramatically, “Get up and get some food yourself.”

“Jongdae~I don’t want food.”

The human lets out another loud sigh, “Then get a drink in the kitchen.”

Yixing groans at his boyfriend’s incompetence, “I need _blood._ ”

“Oh. Well why didn’t you say so?”

If the vampire could facepalm, he would. Scratch that. If the vampire could facepalm again, he would.

Jongdae enters the living room with a big smile on his “perfectly sculpted face” as Yixing constantly notes. He plops down onto the couch directly next to his boyfriend and leans in to invade his personal space.

The human tilts his head to the side, letting his boyfriend gain access to the thick liquid underneath his skin. Yixing knows how to pull all of the right strings to make Jongdae melt under his touch, and it starts with him placing gentle kisses up and down his neck. He’ll admit he’s always been a tease when it comes to feeding.

“Hurry up Yixing, I wanna watch Descendents of the Sun,” Jongdae protests.

The older male smiles to himself as he continues to find the right vein through his kisses. He knows that Jongdae will immediately forget about his favorite drama once the real action starts. That is the one quirk to the hyper male that always brings a smile to the vampire’s face, he’s easily forgetful. One minute he’ll go on a long tangent about the crispiness of french fries, and a split second later he’ll talk about alien conspiracy theories.

“It’ll take longer if you keep whining,” Yixing pauses his kissing to playfully scold his boyfriend.

Jongdae huffs and pouts like a toddler before breaking into a big fit of giggles. Yixing goes back to finding the perfect source of blood, lingering longer on a certain spot that seems to beat in a rhythm he can’t resist. _Perfect_. His fangs pierce Jongdae’s neck in a forceful yet gentle way, one that leaves the human in a state of bliss for a few moments. The thick, warm liquid travels to the vampire’s throat, eliciting a small moan from him; however, that feeling of ecstasy disappears quickly, being replaced with a sickeningly sweet taste.

Yixing rips his mouth away from the open wounds and wipes the excess blood away from the area, “God Jongdae, what have you been eating?”

“What do you mean?” Jongdae innocently asks while he bats his eyelashes.

“It tastes like I just ate an entire bag of sugar. Jongdae, have you been eating sweets again?”

“No,” he elongates the reply. “well, perhaps I ate a few.”

Yixing glares at him directly in the eyes, flashing them the bright vampiric red that frightens Jongdae to the very core. His boyfriend shrinks back deep into cushions of the couch in fear. Yixing leans closer and brushes his lips against the human’s ear, smirking at the fact that his weak spot works every time.

He immediately perks up to his usual cheerful self and stands up with purpose, “ Then we need to get you on a new diet.”

“A diet? And me? We’re not exactly on good terms,” Jongdae exclaims with surprise and a hint of disappointment in his boyfriend.

“You will be...starting now,” Yixing smirks, “Say goodbye to your secret stash of Jolly Ranchers.”

“W-what? No! How do you even know about that?”

“You’re not exactly the best hider, Jongdae-ah.” 

Jongdae hides his face in his hands and grumbles: “Well it’s not fair you’re a freaking vampire.”

“This ‘freaking vampire’ is cutting off your supply of sweets. You need to start eating healthy, or else say goodbye to your six pack.”

Yixing leans over and rubs Jongdae’s stomach, causing the other to fidget in his seat. “Stop, that tickles,” Jongdae whines with a cute pout.

The vampire sighs and shines a bright smile in his boyfriend’s direction, his signature dimple a prominent feature of his expression. With the same smile, he strides over to the kitchen cabinet and rummages through their food supply for any junk food hidden amongst everything else. At the first sight of his favorite Pop Tarts, s’mores flavor of course, Jongdae sprints over to protect his stash like they were his own kin.

“No, no, no! Not those!” Jongdae protests as Yixing throws the box of pastries in a bag. He grips onto the hand--the dreaded hand--that placed his Pop Tarts in the bag.

“It’s for your own good Jongdae! Stop being such a stubborn brat!” The annoyed vampire shrugs off his boyfriend’s hand.

 _He is such a drama queen._ Yixing shakes his head with an exasperated sigh. It’s times like this where he wishes Jongdae was a vampire as well, so he could kick his ass into oblivion. Sadly, he has to settle for human Jongdae, but it’s hard for him to deny whenever his heart skips a beat in his presence.

Jongdae pauses his antics and thinks. If he can’t whine to get his way, he can always use his natural born charm. He smirks to himself, _let’s see if you can resist this, babe._ Confidently, he leans in closer to his boyfriend and pecks his cheek, smiling innocently at the other’s clearly frazzled expression. Yixing opens his mouth to speak, but the human is one step ahead and captures his pink lips in his own. Jongdae pulls all the stops out for this kiss. He runs his fingers through the other’s hair, one of his many weaknesses. He makes sure to playfully bite at Yixing’s bottom lip; being a vampire packs him with a plethora of weird fetishes, but Jongdae doesn’t mind as long as he uses them to get what he wants. When Yixing lets out a subtle moan, he knows he has him. 

Jongdae releases his intimate hold on the male and again smiles sweetly like a child begging their parent for a new toy, “Yixing, babe, you don’t have to do this right? I mean, I’ll be good.”

Flustered, Yixing averts his eyes, “Well maybe I can,” he pauses and locks eyes with Jongdae’s own, “put a lock on your food so you can’t get it.” 

“What, c’mon. No,” Jongdae resumes his whining.

“I’m serious.” He steps away from the other with the sweets in tow but not before swiftly kissing his forehead. “Nice try.”

“But…”

“No Jongdae. Until your blood won’t give me diabetes, I’m not feeding off you, and you can’t eat sweets.” With his vampire speed (something he thanks the heavens for at this moment), he manages to quickly hide the thousand calorie snacks in a secret location only he knows about. Coming back to Jongdae’s side with windswept hair, he resumes his “mother mode” and begins his new household regime. “So, you’ll be eating healthy. That means vegetables.”

Jongdae groans at his boyfriend’s rules. No sweets and no bites? There goes his clean way of feeling high. Now he has to resort to going to dark alleys in the middle of the night and making shady deals with even shadier drug dealers for some substance that has a large possibility of killing him. And it’s all Yixing’s fault.

 

Jongdae wakes up with a groan, another groan he may add after reality hits him hard. It’s been only half a day since his sweets were put on lockdown, and he is already feeling withdrawal symptoms.

With tired movements he grabs his smartphone off of his nightstand and turns on the camera, “Day one, Jongdae’s log. It’s 9:27 in the morning. My food supply has been cut off. Things are looking grim. I don’t know how much longer I can survive in this world.”

“Are you done playing prisoner of war? I made breakfast,” Yixing announces from the hallway outside their shared bedroom. Earning a zombie-like moan from his boyfriend, he waltzes back down to the kitchen where he prepared the first healthy meal of many. “I swear he doesn’t grow up, he regresses.”

As Jongdae shuffles downstairs lazily, Yixing dishes out equal amounts of a spinach omelette on two plates and places a bowl of cut strawberries in the center of the dining table. With a satisfied smile, he slides into his chair, cutting into his omelette hungrily. He may be a vampire, but he can’t resist home cooked human food. 

Jongdae, on the other hand, only sees the food in front of him as a monstrosity needing to be destroyed. A gag escapes his throat as he cuts into the egg mixture, prompting Yixing to glare at him. The human sassily grins and makes a show of eating the first bite. His fork stabs the egg, half hoping that it would disappear, but to his dismay, he lifts the utensil with the fluffy yellow substance hanging onto the end. Let’s get this over with. Closer and closer the fork moves to his lips until he initiates the final push into his mouth.

“Good, right?” Yixing asks as the other chews the omelette.

“Yeah it’s,” Jongdae chokes once he tastes his first bit of spinach. “Great.”

Yixing sees through his lie but finds happiness in his suffering. He placed this burden upon himself, and if he keeps complaining, the wrath of the Chinese vampire may have to pay a visit.

Breakfast continues in eerie silence. Mostly, their time consists of Yixing staring at Jongdae as he stalls eating each and every bite of his food. 

“Now that wasn’t so bad was it?” Yixing asks his disgruntled boyfriend in a childish manner, earning a grumble from the other.

“Screw you.”

“Well, there’s more where that came from. I’ll make sure you detox until you’re begging for me to cook you healthy dishes.”

“I highly doubt that.”

 

More meals filled with the vile poison known as “organically grown produce” exit the kitchen onto the dining table, and unbeknownst to chef Yixing, exit the house via the garbage disposal. The plan formulated after a few of the home cooked meals placed in front of Jongdae looked as if they would come alive and attack him. He had to get rid of them. From that point on, whenever Yixing serves him food, he pretends to take some bites, and after he is alone, he spits it all out and throws the scraps into the garden. Hopefully the birds like kale.

I’m doing myself a favor by preventing my premature death.

Foolproof. That’s the way he describes his meal plan. The same regime has been working for a week and a half; Yixing hasn’t suspected a thing! And he calls himself an all-powerful vampire.

However, karma is in town and decided to knock on Jongdae’s door. 

Yixing is busy cooking another one of those recipes from a “mommy blog” while the human waits at the table, not wanting to spare a glance at the substances simmering on the stove. Once the finished product--something rather aesthetically pleasing Jongdae cannot admit out loud--reaches the center of the table for two, mother dearest dishes out equal servings of their dinner with a satisfied smile. And if Jongdae didn’t have this ongoing grudge against his boyfriend, he would coo at his cuteness.

Dinner goes by just as every other dinner meal has in the past week and a half. Yixing rambles on about his job at the pharmaceutical company to which Jongdae only allows himself to hear part of the one-sided conversation. All he recalls is the complaint about the incompetence of his coworkers.

“It’s not their fault they haven’t actually lived through the creation of modern medicine,” Jongdae sympathizes with the employees under Yixing’s fire.

“But they should at least know the difference between acetaminophen and ibuprofen!”

“Not everyone is smart as hell like you are.”

“Thanks, babe.”

Jongdae takes another fake bite as Yixing stands to wash his plate in the sink. The taste of the vegetables inside the cooked meal taints the inside of his mouth, and he can’t wait to long shoot the monstrosity into the grass.

With Yixing distracted, Jongdae takes the small window of opportunity to collate the food into one pile and toss it through the open window. Another successful elimination mission.

“Jongdae, what are you doing?” Yixing questions with his arms crossed, eyeing the human leaning over the counter and out the small kitchen window.

“Uh...I was just opening the window to get some air.” He pulls at the collar of his t-shirt. “It’s rather stuffy in here.”

“The window was already open, and it’s 65 degrees outside.” Yixing speeds over into Jongdae’s personal space. “Busted.”

“Damnit.”

A sigh escapes Yixing’s lips as he pulls Jongdae from the window and leads him to the living room couch. He sits onto the plush cushion and stares at the boy in front of him, “This is killing me you know.”

Jongdae quizzically looks at the vampire, “What is?”

“This whole healthy thing. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve drank from the vein? Blood bags aren’t the best tasting in the world. It’s like going to McDonald’s and expecting a five star meal or something at least digestible, but you end up disappointed no matter what.”

Finally, it’s about time we end this. “Then here, drink.” He holds out his wrist in front of Yixing’s bright lips.

“You’ve been faking eating the food for…”

“Almost two weeks.”

“Almost two weeks? Oh my God. So your blood is still…” He unconsciously fluffs his hair with nervousness. “If I can’t feed from you there, I’ll have to eat out somewhere else.”

Jongdae inwardly giggles, his dirty mind coming to life after the other finished speaking. I can give you what you want. He takes Yixing’s hand in his own and stands up, walking upstairs through the bedroom, “Oh I know where you can eat.”

“Oh really?” The vampire wonders as he is pushed onto the bed playfully by the human.

Jongdae kisses Yixing sweetly, “Yep.”

“So,” Yixing leans closer to his boyfriend’s ear, “which hospital has the best tasting blood?”

_You’re lucky you’re cute._


End file.
